Monday, September 18, 2006


Being sick has given me time to think. That and I've done a lot of baking. The house gets cleaned more often. Still cannot mow the lawn. Don't push it unless you're willing to pay the consequences kind of an illness.

Renate and Tim have been making cheese. Tim helped at the Farmer's Market on Saturday. Thank God. Made more $$ now that the college students are back and the competition bought a half pound of cheese.

I bought the Kadova molds. I'm looking into leasing the aging coolers.

I don't trust doctors any more. I think that it is a significantly arbitrary profession. I hate feeling like Fuzzy the Guinea Pig. Here, try this combination of 7 medications and call me tomorrow to see how you are doing... An actual conversation with one Dr.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

too damn sick to care

Well, it had to finally happen. I am on this thin string of "to do" lists and schedules. Wanna know how to make your life come crashing to a halt? Get sick. Get so sick that it costs you a lot of money to learn that Dr.'s don't know a hell of a lot and that you may be so sick it ends everything you have worked for.

It isn't that bad yet, but having severe airway constriction problems associated with medication you were given for an allergic reaction to something is down right scarry.

I also learned another lesson. Forget making sure every one around your environment is happy and content with you. Man, I am too tired of making everything so fluffy and wonderful for people. The world gives you choices. You have to make ones on your own and be happy with what you have given to you... or change. I am not going to appologize any more, because when I am on my own and scared to death of the asthma attack I feel coming on (which I never had to deal with until this week), I don't need to be yelled at because your life sucks!

Angre is what makes people lonely. I am not angry. I will not surround myself with angry people who I think I can help anymore. Piss off! I want peace and to make a living doing something I feel good about. I am happy there. I do have a problem bending over backwards for people. Forget that. I need to focus on "mi familia".

Now back downstairs to take another drug that will make me not sleep for days and give me crushing heartburn or worse, another of those dreaded asthma attacks...